This quote was submitted by Paul Wolford. Check out the book he wrote with Scott Edwards called “The Slayer of Saints”.
Paul Stanley, front man for the band KISS. His comment is about the restrictions placed on their lives by superstardom.
“I don’t think it was my nature or any of ours to start complaining about something like that. That’s like winning the lottery and then complaining about the taxes. Or becoming president and saying I don’t like wearing a tie. Well, if you are lucky enough to get what you wanted, shut up!”
Why do we complain so much? If things are bad, we complain, if things are good, we complain. If things are really great, and we have achieved that amazing thing we always wanted, we actually HUNT for a reason to complain.
There could be a variety of reasons, but I can think of two right off. We want sympathy, or want to outdo someone else’s complaint, thus winning a small victory for the day.
Sympathy is something we actually CRAVE sometimes. We appreciate it when others recognize our situation, but many times we complain to put ourselves out there and in the way of our friends or even strangers just to get some little bit of regard.
It feels like a cat that lays down in your path so you will either pet her or stumble over her. Or the dog who catches you reading and pushes his head into your hand so you will stop what you are doing and lavish attention on him. I won’t begin to talk about how toddlers behave when mother starts talking on the phone.
Begging for sympathy is basically asking others to pity you. Do you want to be considered by others to be pitiful? The weakness of character exhibited doesn’t lend itself to others wanting to spend time with you. Once you are labeled a whiner, people choose to go the other way when they see you coming. They have enough burdens of their own, and don’t need yours added to the pile.
Before complaining for sympathy, ask yourself, “Is the thing you want to whine about a problem that needs solved, or are you just trying to get pitied and petted like the aforementioned dog? Anything you are not willing to take action to change is not something you should waste your own time, and especially others time with. It’s pretty unproductive, and showcases just how pitiful you are.
Next comes the “My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad” syndrome. Some people have a deep psychological need to dominate those around them. This usually comes from a lack of confidence and a desire to constantly prove to themselves they are worth something. Instead of making themselves better however, they try to put down anyone they encounter.
No one wants to be victimized by this type of dominator. If whiners are avoided as inconvenient time wasters, the dominators are the ones you may actually hide from. One way to avoid being drawn into a contest with a dominator is to avoid whining yourself. Don’t give them any ground to start their comparison games. If they attempt to goad you into a conversation by a direct challenge, refuse to take the bait. They need self validation so much they will move to an easier target.
Monica Johnson said:
“Many of our choices have led to the predicaments we are presently complaining about.”
I imagine at least 80% of the things we may want to complain about are based on the choices we have made anyway. Instead of complaining, get constructive and try to actually fix those unforeseen consequences of your actions. Of course, a little preplanning can go a long way toward avoiding bad outcomes in the first place.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- and most fools do.